OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Less talking, more tequila
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
