How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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