I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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