With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Be still, my beating vagina.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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