Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
