I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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