I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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