he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Randomize
