3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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