i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
