Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
