Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
