shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
