It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
