meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
