What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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