I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
