I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
