I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
