If that was your dad, he is hot
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
