Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
