Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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