dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
