Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
