best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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