I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sobbing to NWA
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
