So drunk its hurt
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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