They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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