I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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