My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
