Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
