Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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