i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
