6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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