Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
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I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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