I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
