Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
