did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
