she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
