just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
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