You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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