There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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