btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
