Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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