hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
