Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize