Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
