There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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