I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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