Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
