Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
