remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
