I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Randomize
