Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
