like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
