He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
