Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
