My room smells like vodka and shame
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
