I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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