his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
