im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
