tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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