I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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