captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
