I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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