Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
