Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
