um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
