Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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