in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
