Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
