Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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