Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
