I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
